We Must Talk to Our Kids About Teen Dating Violence
And that conversation needs to start in middle school.
February was Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Let’s take a closer look together at the topic and talk about resources available to students and families who are experiencing Domestic Violence of any kind.
Before we get started, you need to know that we are going to cover information that is upsetting. We will be talking about statistics regarding Teen Dating Violence victims and perpetrators, warning signs that a teen might be a victim of dating violence, Georgia laws regarding sexting, and ways we can help students protect themselves by building healthy dating relationships. Please be mindful of your sensitivities to these topics and reach out to the resources at the end of this post if you or your family needs them.
All information in this post comes from a Conversations with an Expert program presented by the Statewide Human Trafficking Task Force of the Criminal Justice Coordinating Council, and we will include the video of the program at the end of this post so you, too, can watch the presentation. Tomieka Daniel, Deputy Director of the Georgia Legal Services Program, is an expert in the field of domestic violence prevention and serves on the Georgia Commission on Family Violence. She is the expert giving the presentation.
Let’s dive in now, shall we?
Statistics on Teen Dating Violence
1 in 3 high school students will experience physical or sexual violence.
Girls and young women ages 16-24 experience the highest rates of partner violence.
43 percent of US college women experience violent or abusive dating behavior.
80 percent of girls continue their relationship with their abuser.
1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted in college.
81 percent of parents believe Teen Dating Violence is not an issue.
Only 33 percent of teens ever tell anyone about their abusive relationship.
Georgia Domestic Violence Fatality Review Project shows 49 percent of domestic violence homicide victims were age 13-24 when the relationship started.
51 percent of females and 43 percent of males report being victims of abusive dating behavior.
50 percent of females and 35 percent of males report perpetrating at least one type of abusive behavior.
Some studies show girls and boys are close to equal as abusers, but girls tend to have more significant physical injuries. Girls are more likely to engage in emotional/verbal abusive behaviors.
Teen Dating Violence, a pattern of control and/or abusive behavior a person uses against a dating partner, can take several forms:
Physical – pushing and shoving
Emotional/Verbal – name calling, threats, controlling behavior, public humiliation
Sexual – unwanted touching
Digital – posting untrue or private information online
Stalking – repeated unwanted contact
Ten Warning Signs a Relationship is Abusive
Using insults, intimidation, or humiliation
Extreme jealousy, insecurity, or controlling behavior
Isolation from friends and family
Unwanted sexual contact of any kind
Explosive temper or unusual moodiness
Constantly monitoring social media activities or location
Invasions of privacy; showing up unannounced
Leaving unwanted items, gifts, or flowers
Abusing alcohol or drugs
Threatening or causing physical violence; scratches, bruises
Youth who are victims of dating violence are more likely to:
Have depression and anxiety
Engage in unhealthy behaviors
Engage in antisocial behaviors
Experience suicidal ideation
We Need to Talk to Our Students About Sexting
Sexting is sending photos, drawings, videos, etc. of sexually explicit nudity or sexual conduct over text, email, or online, and it is illegal in Georgia for minors under the age of 18. It’s not as taboo as it once was—48 percent of adult women have sent a sext and 45 percent of adult men have. Middle and high school students are sexting too. In 2019, Union County High School in Blairsville, Georgia had almost 50 students caught up in a sexting scandal. That same year, Roswell High School in Roswell, Georgia had students managing a Dropbox full of nude photos of their classmates. Middle and high school students caught up in sexting scandals face very serious charges. Depending on the circumstances, they could be charged with a misdemeanor, or if the facts of the case warrant it, they could be charged with a felony that comes with a prison sentence and at least 15 years on the sex offender registry.
The sexting cases that have made the news recently have been high school students, but statistics show that the conversations around sexting need to happen beginning in middle school. Studies show 40 percent of kids have been exposed to sexting by age 14, and even more alarming, 15 percent of 8-year-old girls have been exposed to sexting. The conversation needs to start earlier than we want it to so kids know what to do if they or one of their friends receives a sext.
What Do We Need To Do?
The number one thing parents can do is talk to their kids about healthy relationships. It’s easier (and more comfortable for both parties) to frame the conversation around what a healthy dating relationship looks like and what expectations our children should have for their dating partners. We need to be alert to red flags and warning signs that our children’s relationships—both friendships and dating relationships—may be trending toward abuse. If you believe your student is in an abusive relationship, there are resources detailed below to reach out to for help.
Schools have a role to play too. In Georgia, Erin’s Law requires school districts to implement sexual assault prevention curricula for Grades K-9. A good, evidence-based curriculum that meets the standards set forth in Erin’s Law as well as Georgia standards for Health classes (updated after the passage of Erin’s Law) will focus on setting personal boundaries and building healthy relationships. Georgia Department of Education standards insist curricula must be crafted to help students develop skills around building healthy relationships, so the curricula used need to consist of more than a one-time presentation. We talked earlier this year about expectations around what would be taught in Erin’s Law curriculum by grade level here. Ask your school principal what materials are being used to meet the Erin’s Law mandate in your student’s school.
Resources for Families Experiencing Domestic Violence
Georgia Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-33-HAVEN (42836)
Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Georgia Commission on Family Violence
LiveSafe Resources (Cobb County’s domestic violence shelter. 24 hour crisis line: 770-427-3390)
Conversations with an Expert: Teen Dating Violence
Building healthy relationships is one of the most important skills we can teach our kids. Knowledge is power, and in the case of Teen Dating Violence it’s imperative our kids know how to spot abusive behavior and where to go to get help.